Resolutions. Blech. Yuck. Choke. Are you done reading now?
Or wait. Perhaps we’ve just started.
I had a realization back when I was running my facility at ETC. We started something we called New Year’s Revolution. And it was a great way to challenge people to blast off the holiday pounds and love themselves even though they gained the weight in the first place.
And then my understanding of self grew. I realized that we don’t ever really change. Our DNA doesn’t change. We don’t all of a sudden morph into something or someone new.
That’s not realistic. Or at least to me it isn’t.
So that’s where my ideas around personal evolution started to take shape.
We all evolve. We all grow into better and sometimes not so much better versions of ourselves. But the truth is, we do evolve. We grow beyond where we are today.
I don’t think we ever completely change.
Hence one of the reasons I struggled with confidence in middle school. I just wanted to be shorter. And that wasn’t going to happen as much as I could seek out every change guru and motivational magician who said I could be a NEW person by daybreak.
I think we evolve. And when I was 14, I set out on my path to evolve into a more confident tall kid. Giving up on my desire to be confident would have taken away my ability to thrive as a teenager.
Fast forward to last April. I decided I would no longer like to carry this extra weight I put on. After fighting myself tooth and nail, being mad, angry, hurt by my own lack of desire, I went back to the gym. And in the span of 4 months I lost 25 pounds. I was happy, I was feeling good, I was back to the athlete mindset I knew as a kid. I felt more like me. And then the holidays came, I was busy, eating good food and Mom was going down hill. I made excuses, I didn’t go to the gym. I was eating things I cut out previously with no problem.
Here is the real lesson: The less evolved me would have quit and gotten mad again about letting myself gain back 5 of those pounds. I would have beat myself up and decided that it wasn’t worth it because I already messed everything up.
THIS… This is why resolutions fail most people. Because we are human beings.
And we will fail. And nowhere in the handbook of life did anyone ever tell us that when we make resolutions (Read EXPECTATIONS) that we can’t have a margin of error for failure and still succeed. We believe strongly that the first day we don’t go to the gym, we have failed in our resolutions and end up walking into the burger joint for lunch. And we get the large fry.
In my study of confidence a few years ago, we found the number one killer to be the word EXPECTATION. There is no gray area. You either did it or you failed. And that is how we see resolutions. The second we make a mistake, we quit. And that becomes the self-loathing that we carry for months… until the next time we are about to make a resolution. How silly of us.
So what is it worth? I started back to the gym on January 13. I feel better already. I guess I could have waited until January 1 of next year since I already missed that this time around. But what would that get me? I’m not going to the gym today. And I am ok with that. I will go tomorrow. Or the next day. And honestly, my evolution is so much better than any resolution I have ever made and not kept, or kept halfway until I gave up.
Because in the end, giving up isn’t worth my becoming the person I was meant to be.
The one who loves herself regardless of how many mistakes she makes and how tall she is.